Parenting is always a juggling act — but being a parent carer is a different world entirely.

As I approach my 15th year of raising a child with a rare genetic condition while trying to maintain a career I genuinely love, I often get asked: “How do you keep all the plates spinning?”

The short answer is: sometimes I don’t.

My daughter is full of joy, makes us laugh daily, and teaches me more than she’ll ever realise. But the reality of caring for her is complex - and often misunderstood. The challenges don’t ease with time; if anything, they grow. At 11 years old, my youngest can now entertain themselves or help with dinner. My daughter, however, needs full-time supervision. A typical child her age could be left home alone for a short time, but that’s not even a consideration for us.

I learned this the hard way recently. I thought she was quietly on her iPad while I got on with work. In reality, she’d taken our dogs out…onto a nearby 60mph road. Thankfully, she came back safely, but the incident ended in a major meltdown, and it was one that was completely my fault. It could’ve ended very differently, and it’s not a mistake I’ll ever make again.

There’s also the bigger picture: the care crisis. While we technically have funding for support, there’s no one to provide it. The system has shifted responsibility from local authorities to families, leaving many parent carers with limited or no help. Despite working for incredibly flexible employers, it still takes a toll. One of us has to be available every day after school, and we split school holidays between us. There is no ‘down time.’

Add in ongoing health issues, which include seizures, anxiety, sensory needs, and the emotional load intensifies. Watching your child suffer never gets easier. Never.

And then there’s the fear every parent carer lives with: What happens when I’m no longer here?
Planning for the future means wrestling with systems that don’t fit our lives. Being told my pension scheme will “assess dependants’ benefits at the point of my death” is not helpful when I’m trying to build a secure future for a child who may never be financially independent. Social care is fragile. We have to do more, now, to prepare for what’s ahead.

My other two children, despite our best efforts, are young carers too. They’ve learned patience, empathy, and strength, but not without cost. They’ve been on the receiving end of meltdowns, missed out on normality, and carried more emotional weight than they should have to.

And yet, in the middle of it all, believe me, there is so much joy.

I see success differently now. It’s not about trophies or grades, but moments of growth, resilience, and connection. I’ve found purpose in unexpected places, like running an inclusive camping event each year. 

My daughter is at the heart of it all. She brings light, laughter, perspective, and yes, challenge. Balancing a career and being a full-time parent-carer is relentless. But it’s also meaningful in ways that are hard to put into words.

I’m incredibly fortunate to work for a flexible employer that truly understands what it means to support working parents and carers. That flexibility,  in hours, expectations, and trust, makes all the difference. And tools like the Hapi app have helped our whole family stay on top of everything from wellbeing resources to financial planning, giving us some much-needed headspace and support in the everyday chaos.

It’s Good Care month, so if you know a parent carer, please reach out. Ask how they’re really doing. Offer help. Most of us won’t ask. We’ve learned to keep going because, truthfully, we often don’t have a choice.

For more information on Hapi and options to support your team's wellbeing, get in touch with our team today.